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October 10, 2010

BUM? Yes or No?

Winter seems to be in our back doors these days.... I can look out my window at any point and I'll see the white mountains - it's very beautiful.... And I look out my window it seems like all the time now.... For me it's a time for reflecting on my past. A death has haunted our minds & hearts in my family. For me it's truly the end of my childhood. 98 years on this earth is what my GrandMum was granted - to watch and be a part of life as we know it. I've only known her for 40 ummmmm lol something years - ugggg. Was is wisdom I learned from her? No not really she had passed that on to my baby brother. Was it her good cooking? Nope something that was passed on to my other brother (RIP Pea). I got her mouth - lol... Not much holding back is what she taught me. And often enough it's gotten me into more trouble then I care to admit. Some how she always scrimp out of being in the dog house. Of course people would never hold an argument with her - she was the toughest women I've ever meet. But also the biggest heart. I did learn about charity through her and it's always been a part of our lives growing up.
A funny story to share... I was about 5 years old and I grew up on a farm - We lived off our crops and our animals. And my GrandMum was married to my Grandpa who was an instructor for the United States Coast Guard Academy and they lived in New London and so I got to go on a day trip to "The Big City" and that's where I had seen my first poverty person in which I at the time called a "Bum" and I was slapped in the mouth. I cried of course as I seen my GranMum shed tears for what she had done to me. My Grandpa pulled off to the side of the road knowing what was to become of me. Well, I got the lesson of my life. I learned that day I was no better then the man I just called a name too. I learned that his wife had been murdered long long long before I was born and that this man loved his wife and couldn't get pass what had happened to her. I also learned that "Bum" could of been Jesus in person seeing what good humans would help him. I learned that day it was so easy to judge a book by the cover but it was not easy to judge the heart by the cover, if I wasn't willing to learn and help this person. My Grandpa gave me a $5.00 bill and in that time was like a million dollars to a 5 year old and I went up to him with my Grandpa and gave it to him. I learned that day also that giving is suppose to be hard - if it where easy then it's not charity. I have never forgotten that.
I'll also remember her cooking my favorite meal and sleeping at her home on weekends or when my father was on patrol on holidays and such. I'll remember her millions of jig-saw puzzles and how she would watch me be a silly OCD child. She encourage me to believe in myself when others didn't. She understood all too well why I am the most guarded person in the world. She loved me for my rights and wrongs.
I've been sitting and thinking non-stop of my past-present-future. What do I do now? And then I remember what she said to me when Grandpa passed on - you make yourself better because now that spirit lives with-in you now and it's up to you to make sure you do better in all areas of your life. It's free help she'd say and so spend it well. And so I am taking some time to myself and re figure my life out and then start spending my free help. I have no living grandparent left and so now I have to grow up and I don't very much like that but it has to be done.
I've been know since the age of 8 to write Christmas Stories - the only present my father ever ask of me and expects. And so today I'll be starting this years story using my memories.
I hope those out there with a living Grandparent would give them a call or visit and honor there love. It's rare and short-lived you know. And you can grow from it -I know I have.


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